Chapter 75: It’s Always the Same

2022-05-20

Zhang Xue was finally caught, and the sixteen million was recovered, ready to be handed over to the authorities. Just like that, the four boys’ dreams were shattered again. Each of them could have had four million—enough to change their lives—but now, they’re right back where they started.

I can’t forget the look Zhang Xue gave me as she left. There was a burning mix of hatred and sorrow in her eyes, like she wished she could tear me apart. If Xiao Liu hadn’t uncovered the truth, maybe Zhang Xue would have walked away with everything. But the copy of ‘To Live’ she gave me sold her out—the protagonist’s grandson in that book dies from eating too many soybeans.

Maybe Zhang Xue copied that method unconsciously, or maybe she did it on purpose. Who can say?

The high school entrance exams arrived on a day filled with steady rain.

That night, someone was brought in. That person was Zhao Erming.

He lost a lot of blood that night.

Zhao Erming’s mother was in tears outside, crying so hard she looked like a drenched mess. I glanced over, and the rain had smudged her heavy makeup, turning her face into something like a sad clown.

No matter what, Zhao Erming was still her son. She sat outside wailing, insisting it was all her fault and had nothing to do with him. But none of that changed anything.

When I left, she was still slumped on the ground. Under all that bright makeup her face showed new wrinkles, and strands of white hid in her waterfall of red hair. Her grief echoed far into the night, onlookers gathering at a distance, pointing and whispering. She’d always cared about her appearance, always put effort into her image, but at this moment, nothing else mattered.

“You really aren’t going to get involved in this case?” Gu Chen asked from behind me.

I shook my head. It was a straightforward case. With or without me, it would have ended the same way. And honestly, I didn’t even know how to face Zhao Erming. If he’d had those four million, would his night have ended differently?

Summer break.

Lin Rou, battered and bruised, was dumped outside the hospital. Word was, all those injuries came from her little brother. The belief that boys are worth more runs deep in Lin Rou’s family, and she never held any power there.

Her brother, raised with that attitude, never held back when it came to hitting his sister. I heard about the disaster after it happened—apparently, Lin Rou was napping while her brother, angry after losing a game, let his fists and feet fly. Still not satisfied, he grabbed a red-hot iron wire and lashed her with it.

That was the worst beating Lin Rou ever took. She barely clung to life. Her grandmother, scared she’d die but too stingy to pay for care, dumped Lin Rou at the hospital and walked away. Later, some kind strangers covered her bills so she could survive.

The authorities arrested Lin Rou’s family. But both her little brother—just thirteen—and her grandmother proved tough cases. The boy would be out sooner or later, and the look on her grandmother’s face was one of bizarre pride.

Their ugliness only highlighted the contrast with Lin Rou, lying in her hospital bed, staring at the ceiling in silent misery. Maybe she wondered if it would have been better if she’d died that day.

She’s sixteen. Not even factories want to hire someone her age. But if she goes home, she faces more of the same. When will a life like hers finally end?

A month later, Lin Rou was discharged. She never knew it was me who paid her hospital bills—with money I borrowed from Mary.

The rich really do live on a different level. With money, there’s always a way to choose the life you want. But for so many, there’s never a choice at all.

The day Lin Rou left the hospital, Li Taida was released too. He was a minor, so he hadn’t spent long inside. I was there when he came out, and he’d clearly heard about Zhang Xue. His eyes blazed with anger and defiance when he looked at me. I have no doubt—if he got the chance, he’d kill me.

But to my surprise, we ran into Li Taida again soon after.

It was a rainy night when Li Taida came back, knowing every turn by heart.

He turned himself in this time, and he’d covered all his bases. Last time, the potassium cyanide failed to kill his father, leaving him furious. What Li Taida didn’t know was that Zhang Xue had arranged for the lottery winner to invite Li Xian out—otherwise, Li Xian would have died already.

Zhang Xue used two million to buy out sixteen million, keeping the extra four million—some of which went to Li Xian.

Once out, Li Taida decided to kill his father himself.

But his friend’s money came from shady sources, and he kept getting hauled in for questioning, which meant Li Xian had no one to borrow from anymore.

So Li Xian stayed home, drinking too much and smashing things every night. When Li Taida came home and saw the wreckage, he finally snapped. That was his mother’s only legacy to him. He still doesn’t know where she went, or what she’s doing now. That keeps him going.

I remembered what Li Taida said the first time he went to jail: “Remember, as long as he’s alive, I’ll kill him.”

Li Taida meant every word.

If they’d gotten four million, would their story have ended differently? I honestly don’t know. But without that money, I do know what happens. So was my choice the right one? Zhou Guo had decided to sacrifice himself anyway and that was his choice. But did I really have to be this cruel?

Back in the break room, I went through cigarette after cigarette. The door creaked and someone stepped inside. I turned—it was Team Leader Shao.

“What’s got you looking so down?” Team Leader Shao said. “Case is solved, money’s recovered.”

He grabbed a cigarette from my pack.

I let out a sigh. “Team Leader Shao, there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you. Every time we close a case, I feel conflicted. Do we really always have to catch the culprit? Even those who are desperate, who’ll never do it again—why do we have to crush their final sliver of hope too?”

Team Leader Shao lit up, then said, “From the very beginning, I knew what kind of person you were. Back during Lin Shu’s case, after you quietly hid those few thousand, I realized something: You really pity them. Sometimes you even cover for them.”

“Don’t you ever feel the same?” I asked, searching his face for an answer. “Don’t you ever get caught up in their stories? Would you really arrest anyone, no matter what? I heard your own master was that genius, wasn’t he?”

Team Leader Shao exhaled smoke and nodded. “Yeah, I can give you an answer now. Just remember this, and you won’t struggle anymore. No matter who it is, no matter what drove them, no matter how tragic their story—as long as they’re the culprit, I’ll arrest them.”

I sat up straight, hanging on every word. “What is it?”

Team Leader Shao answered with conviction: “Because in this world, there are so many people with the same fate. But most of them, even facing tragedy, keep living on with nothing but their own two hands. Even when there’s no hope at all.”

He stood up and started to leave. “If you let people go just because they’re pitiful, just because they had no choice, then you’re being unfair. I never used to get it either—until something happened to me.”

“What happened?” I asked.

Team Leader Shao leaned against the door, cigarette burning. “Back when I was still a student, I went to buy something one day. An elderly woman sat at a street stall, selling little handmade stuff. A girl bought something for fifty cents, and as the old lady gave her change, a beggar walked over. The girl handed the beggar a single yuan. And I’ll never forget the way the old woman looked at her.”

“She worked herself to the bone all day, every day, but she was still treated as less than a beggar younger and healthier than herself.” Team Leader Shao was already halfway out the door. “That’s when I realized—there will always be those who quietly fight just to get by. I don’t want this world to belong to those who win sympathy by showing off their suffering. I want people like that old woman to see there’s still kindness and hope out there. Whenever I think of that, I know—there’s no one who shouldn’t be caught.”

Team Leader Shao’s steps faded away, but his words echoed in my mind. No wonder he’d never struggled with doubt—it all made sense now. If pain alone gave you the right to do whatever you wanted, what hope was there for people who put in the effort and never complained? We need to give hope—but not to those who use misfortune as an excuse.

I put out my cigarette and glanced at the yellowed copy of ‘To Live’ beside me.

No matter how lucky someone is, if all they want is to die, nothing can save them.

Suddenly, I remembered what Zhang Xue always used to say: “Is life always this painful, or was it just our childhood?”

The way she spoke, her restless hands, the confusion in her eyes—they’re seared into my memory. Now I finally have the answer, and I wish I could tell her: “It’s always like this.”

But even in a world filled with pain and hardship, there are people who never falter, who grit their teeth and fight for themselves.

They never wear their suffering like a badge—they live simply to keep living.

And maybe, they’re the ones who deserve respect the most.