Chapter 39: A Rift Between Life and Death

Qin Wan leaned back against the tree, her eyes hollow and unfathomable, like a silent, motionless lake.

She stared straight ahead, not a flicker of emotion crossing her face.

Only when Gu Qingyi crashed hard to the ground did Qin Wan finally snap back to reality.

“Brother Mu, what’s wrong?” Qin Wan scrambled up in a panic, rushing to help the unconscious Gu Qingyi, blood covering his body.

Stunned by the sight, Qin Wan was overcome by silent sobs, so lost and frightened she didn’t know what to do.

A soft whimper sounded nearby. Qin Wan turned and finally noticed the villagers, tied up like bundles on the ground.

“Let me get you all out of those ropes!” Without hesitation, she darted over to them.

With a thud, Qin Wan stumbled and fell hard, but she gritted her teeth, forced herself back up and limped over, determined not to quit.

“Thank goodness for you, Wan’er. If it weren’t for you we’d have been tied up a lot longer,” an older auntie said, flexing her sore wrists.

“I’m just glad everyone is safe,” Qin Wan replied with a weary smile.

Once she’d untied the villagers, a heavy weight lifted from her shoulders. The world spun and darkness swept over her—she collapsed.

“Wan’er, what’s wrong, child!” The villagers rushed over, faces full of worry.

As her eyes fluttered shut, she glimpsed the villagers running toward her, then finally let herself surrender to unconsciousness.

………………

While unconscious, Qin Wan felt as if she drifted through a dream that stretched on and on.

She saw herself seated around the dinner table, laughing with Qin Yingjun and Zhang Yurong, hearts light and joyful.

After dinner, Qin Yingjun and Zhang Yurong took her out to the mountains and market, holding hands, soaking in the beautiful scenery. They rowed flower boats on the river and sent sky lanterns soaring, a family at peace.

Hand in hand, her parents strolled through the marketplace with her, stopping at a candy vendor. With beaming faces, they bought her several sticks of candied fruit. Qin Wan didn’t even know how many stalls they’d visited.

Soon after, her parents led her past a jewelry stand. Suddenly, they stopped walking. Zhang Yurong looked gently at Qin Wan.

“Wan’er, try this on and see if it fits,” Zhang Yurong said as she strode over. She picked up a butterfly hairpin and placed it in Qin Wan’s hair.

“Mama, I love this butterfly hairpin!” Qin Wan laughed, delighted, eyes shining as the hairpin sparkled above.

Qin Yingjun and Zhang Yurong crouched down beside her, ruffling her hair with warm smiles.

Zhang Yurong spoke tenderly: “Wan’er, your father and I have to go now. From here on you’ll have to be strong, live happily and take care of yourself.”

Hand in hand, Qin Yingjun and Zhang Yurong turned away, smiling as they walked off, leaving Qin Wan standing alone.

She stared, frozen, at their retreating backs. As they faded into the distance, she ran after them, desperate.

“Dad! Mom! Wait for me!” Qin Wan called out, voice trembling with panic.

“No, please—don’t leave me!” She jolted awake, arms flailing toward the empty air, her face soaked in tears.

By the time Qin Wan opened her eyes, it was already the next day.

………………

The villagers had already prepared the funeral for her mother, the air heavy with grief and mourning.

In Qin Wan’s yard rested a simple coffin. The villagers arrived in white mourning clothes, each paying their respects.

Qin Wan knelt on the ground, pressing both hands to her chest. Years of suppressed pain finally erupted in that instant.

Her blank eyes brimmed with unstoppable tears, streaking down her flawless face.

She lost all control, screaming hoarsely at her mother’s coffin, pouring out a decade’s worth of longing in wild, heartbroken sobs.

At that moment, it felt as though all hope for living had vanished. She didn’t know how to go on.

Sobs racked her body again as she tried to choke back her pain, muffling her cries behind trembling hands.

Qin Wan squeezed her eyes shut, biting down on her fist, forcing herself not to break down completely.

Seeing this, some of the villagers wanted to step in, but an elder gently stopped them, shaking his head. “Just let Wan’er cry it out for now. Otherwise her pain will only get worse.”

“Sigh… you’re right.” The others clenched their fists, eyes red, and let out a long, heavy sigh.

Time slipped by swiftly.

At last, they buried Zhang Yurong’s coffin tightly beside her husband’s.

Qin Wan collapsed to her knees in front of the unassuming gravestone. The carved names stung her eyes.

Hands trembling, she reached out to touch the names engraved on the marker, unable to utter a sound.

With desperate strength she hugged the headstone, pressing her brow again and again against the names engraved there.

She stayed like that for half a day, until everyone else quietly took their leave.

Inside her home, Qin Wan looked around the room—now battered and broken by bandits. Cold dread clawed at her.

She thought, maybe I’ll lose my mind forever.

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Sinking to the floor, she hugged herself tight, staring into empty space.

She had no idea how long she sat there until her own whimpers broke the silence.

She didn’t know how many times she’d cried, only that every new sob made her heart pound with fear. Wrapping her arms even tighter around herself, she trembled.

She held on so tightly, as if it would keep her from falling apart.

In the wreckage, Qin Wan sobbed herself raw, time slipping by in darkness she could barely grasp.

With her parents’ ancestral tablets clutched to her chest, she curled up in the shadowy corner of the room, her body shaking.

………………

Gu Qingyi slowly opened his eyes, a sharp pain throbbing in his head. He touched his forehead, then slowly got out of bed.

He made his way to Qin Wan’s room, only to find her huddled in a corner, clutching herself. He hurried over to help her up.

Qin Wan’s gaze was vacant, her eyes dull as she murmured, “Brother Mu, my mother is gone. What am I supposed to do now?”

She clutched her parents’ ancestral tablets tighter to her chest.

Gu Qingyi looked at her swollen, teary eyes and spoke with a hoarse voice: “Wan’er, it’s my fault. If only I’d gotten back sooner! If I’d made it in time… maybe your mother would’ve…”

Qin Wan gazed at him through red, bleary eyes. In the next moment she threw her arms around him.

With a trembling voice, Qin Wan said, “No, Brother Mu, this isn’t your fault—it’s mine! If it weren’t for me, my mother wouldn’t have…”

Just then, the two of them clung to each other, searching for the last bit of warmth in the world.