Chapter 695: Quiet Reflections

The office was silent, save for Lu Xin’s soft-spoken words.

He deliberately slowed his tone, describing his feelings precisely, though he couldn’t be sure if Teacher Xiao Lu understood.

On Teacher Xiao Lu’s face was a mixture of effort and confusion as she tried to grasp his meaning.

She struggled to understand, and Lu Xin wasn’t surprised; he could tell that her staying up late waiting for him was partly out of worry for his safe return with Number Eight and partly because she wanted a proper conversation.

Determined not to lie, Lu Xin expressed his feelings as accurately as he could.

Yet from her expression, he guessed that she simply couldn’t comprehend.

“I…”

Teacher Xiao Lu hesitated briefly before gently looking up and saying, “I just can’t seem to understand this feeling.”

As she spoke, disappointment flickered across her face.

It was self-disappointment mingled with deep regret and discouragement.

After a brief silence, Lu Xin’s face softened into a warm smile as he said, “It’s alright…”

“Not many can grasp this feeling to begin with.”

His eyes turned serious as he added, “It’s actually fortunate that you don’t understand.”

Teacher Xiao Lu, looking at Lu Xin’s genuine smile, could feel the sincere comfort behind his words.

Yet her mood remained unchanged; she slowly lowered her head, her fingers clenching tightly. She looked exhausted and dejected, a far cry from the optimistic, lively person she once was. Watching her now, Lu Xin wondered if her previous cheerfulness had all been an act.

He hadn’t noticed it before because he didn’t understand back then.

Now that he did, had he sensed it?

What did it truly mean?

Were they both just performers, each striving to impress the other when they met?

……

As Lu Xin mulled over these peculiar questions, Teacher Xiao Lu, after deep thought, slowly looked up at him and gestured lightly, asking, “So, what does it feel like now that things have changed?”

Lu Xin still refused to lie in front of her.

He pondered seriously, pinching his left fingers together gently, and then his right, as if holding two separate threads.

It looked as though each hand grasped a different line, tugging them slowly together in the air.

“It’s like two lines of different wavelengths that can see each other but never truly understand. This line represents the world, and the other is me. I once felt I could never harmonize with the world because our wavelengths were mismatched. No matter how much I tried to please it, nothing worked. But gradually, my wavelength began to change, and so did the world. It started to like me…”

“…”

Teacher Xiao Lu earnestly tried to understand, anxiously asking, “Will they really merge together?”

Noticing the urgency, concern, and genuine joy in her eyes, Lu Xin paused his actions.

He knew that if he said they would, she’d believe him.

But he wasn’t willing to lie.

After a moment’s silence, he lowered his hand and whispered, “I hope so.”

“But I don’t know.”

“Because this part is beyond my control.”

“…”

Teacher Xiao Lu’s joyful expression froze, her features stiffening slightly.

“So…”

After a long silence, she finally looked up at Lu Xin and asked, “Aren’t you still the same as before?”

This question stumped Lu Xin, and he was silent for a long moment.

He could feel that he was no longer the same person he once was, though not in the way Teacher Xiao Lu thought.

In her memory, she recalled a version of him from the orphanage—a self that felt disconnected from the world. Yet she remembered him as gentle and kind, remembering how he shared his chocolate with her, though she never knew that he was quietly observing her, questioning how such a fragile girl could come off so strong…

Pondering how she could run so fast,

And wondering if, should she ever stop running, she’d dare to provoke those little monsters…

Her misunderstanding of herself from the orphanage until now.

But sadly, the self she held in her heart had always felt false…

Even though she was changing for the better, she believed she was drifting further from who she once was…

The human mind is a fascinating thing.

Yet as for the question she asked…

Lu Xin was silent for a long while, contemplating not just his recent experiences, but also Number Eight.

Then he slowly answered, “I’ve always been me.”

“It’s just that my perception of the world has changed, so my choices have shifted.”

“But I remain the same at my core.”

“…”

Teacher Xiao Lu suddenly sat up, her expression a clear mix of confusion, incomprehension, and fear.

Perhaps she wanted to hear that the person who once acted out was not really him?

Lu Xin understood exactly what she hoped to hear, yet he refused to lie and continued, “I don’t know how others see me, but in my own eyes, I haven’t changed. Whether it was the me trying to escape before or the one later on, I have always been me. I just responded differently…”

“Maybe Number Eight was right—some things change, but others never do…”

“…”

Teacher Xiao Lu fell silent.

She seemed to be torn between anxiety, worry, and a hint of stubbornness.

She tried hard to look at Lu Xin, but his silence only spurred her panic, leaving her at a loss for words.

What was she meant to say?

Lu Xin found himself deeply conflicted.

Maybe Number Eight was right; he should’ve focused more on learning back then, otherwise he wouldn’t struggle to express these feelings now.

He was still himself.

But then, how could he admit that he had changed while reassuring Teacher Xiao Lu?

Perhaps he could blame his past self.

The old him was immature, impulsive, extreme, and angry.

Yet no one should be too harsh on their past self—he had done his best back then.

The only difference now was that he had accumulated more experience.

“It’s getting late now. You should get some rest.”

Thinking over his dilemma, Lu Xin slowly stood up, his expression resolute and without regret.

He smiled at Teacher Xiao Lu and said, “I’ll come see you again in a few days.”

“…”

Teacher Xiao Lu looked at Lu Xin for a long time before she finally nodded.

Lu Xin helped her by taking the cup from her hand, emptied the tea leaves, refilled it with hot water, then picked up the trash bag beside the table and quietly walked out of the door. Throughout the whole process, Teacher Xiao Lu remained silent, her hands trembling as her inner emotions boiled like unstable water, disrupting her thoughts.

After his footsteps faded in the corridor, Teacher Xiao Lu slowly turned and wheeled herself to the window.

She saw Lu Xin’s figure walking across the villa’s courtyard; her heart jolted as if seized by a sudden convulsion…

In a barely audible whisper, she murmured, “I just wanted to help you…”

……

……

In the courtyard, Lu Xin left the elementary school, discarded the trash, then climbed into the Jeep. He let out a soft sigh.

It was clear that Teacher Xiao Lu was desperate to do something for him.

But in truth, she had already helped him.

For a long time, he hadn’t felt completely out of place in this world.

Back at Red Moon Elementary School, he’d experienced genuine feelings—something only found in that place…

Though whether it was too desperate or something else, he now clearly sensed improvement.

Yet at Red Moon Elementary, those early feelings gradually faded. Much like their conversation today, he knew Teacher Xiao Lu was trying to comfort and help him, but instead, it left him feeling uneasy…

The lingering shadow continued to engulf his heart.

“Sigh…”

A wave of mild exhaustion welled up inside him as Lu Xin started the car, slowly moving forward.

Not long after he drove away, the headlights suddenly illuminated a figure sitting on a railing by the road—a girl clad in a pretty black skirt, clutching a plastic bag. As Lu Xin’s car approached, a joyful smile spread across her face.

It was Doll.

Why was she still here?

Lu Xin, slightly startled, stopped the car, opened the door, and stepped out.

Seeing him, Doll’s expression brightened even more; she gracefully stood up and raised the plastic bag in her hand.

Inside were several small red balls.

Watching her cheerful gesture, Lu Xin suddenly realized that she had been waiting for him to share dinner.

……

……

At that moment, feelings were hard to pinpoint.

Lu Xin recounted his journey from Flame City; aside from a refueling stop after landing, he hadn’t paused much. On the plane, he had a light meal, and when he met Number Eight, they shared a meal—even though he only had two beers as his mind was preoccupied. That meal was eight hours ago, and now he…

“…I’m truly hungry.”

With a smile, he beckoned Doll into the Jeep’s front passenger seat and drove her to a nearby plaza. They sat on a bench beside the plaza and took the plastic bag from her trembling hand.

This must be something really good…

Lu Xin thought, recalling that Clockwork Orange had mentioned this was top-notch gourmet material.

While musing, he opened the plastic bag and paused, intercepting Doll’s outstretched hand.

In Doll’s puzzled gaze, Lu Xin swiftly re-tied the plastic bag and casually tossed it into the nearby trash can.

“It stinks.”

Apparently, from the time he first packed it until now, it had been a while…

But then, what should they eat?

Glancing at Doll’s pitiful eyes, Lu Xin wondered if she had been waiting on him all this time.

Had she gone eight hours without food too?

Just as he was pondering, footsteps sounded nearby. From the shadows by the plaza emerged a tall, uniformed woman with an imposing presence and a determined look. She briskly approached Lu Xin and Doll, placed two bento boxes into Lu Xin’s arms, and walked off without another word.

Before leaving, she shot Lu Xin a stern glance.

“What…”

Stunned, Lu Xin watched the woman depart, then opened one of the bento boxes.

Inside, he found meticulously crafted, intricately patterned sandwich cookies.

The other bento contained scrambled eggs—even with extra egg added.

Suddenly, Lu Xin’s mood brightened. Finally, there was something to eat late at night.

……

……

Between the gaps of towering buildings that resembled a forest, the low-hanging Red Moon in the western sky was visible. The dim streetlights cast elongated shadows on the bench where the pair sat, their figures blending inseparably.

Both remained silent, eating their meal. Occasionally, the crunch of cookies and the slurping of noodles broke the quiet.

After a long while, Lu Xin suddenly asked, “Do you really know me?”

Doll, with half a cookie in her mouth, pondered for a moment before shaking her head in a teasing manner.

Lu Xin burst into a joyful laugh, exclaiming, “This feeling is just so liberating.”