Chapter 503: Shattered Memories

The voice was calm, natural, even a little gentle.

But Teacher Xiao Lu was so shocked she couldn’t catch her breath; her grip on Lu Xin’s arm was so tight that her knuckles went white.

Overwhelming panic engulfed her—she tried to pull her hand away but didn’t have the strength to do so.

Outwardly, the two of them appeared calm.

Teacher Xiao Lu’s hand, still clinging to Lu Xin’s arm, seemed almost relaxed from sheer exhaustion.

Their eyes met as the setting sun streamed through the window.

……

“It’s really strange…”

Lu Xin continued in a soft voice, “Those memories—I haven’t thought about them in years. But when I do, every detail is crystal clear. I even remember the feeling when I took each life in my hands, and the expressions on their faces as they died…”

“……”

Teacher Xiao Lu suddenly covered her mouth forcefully, trying to stifle any sound.

Yet her shoulders trembled violently.

Lu Xin turned his head calmly, glanced at her, and lifted his hand slightly, as if he wanted to caress her hair.

But he decided against it.

He only sighed softly, “What intrigues me most is my own sensation in those memories. In my mind, each scene from that time is so vivid, as though I’ve walked right back into it.”

“In those memories, I was constantly killing…”

“But I don’t recall feeling any remorse or pain when I killed them. I…”

“……”

“Please, stop…”

Teacher Xiao Lu’s trembling voice suddenly rose; her throat tightened and her body shook uncontrollably.

Her tone almost pleaded, “Please, I beg you, stop…”

“I…”

Lu Xin hesitated before speaking slowly, “But I really don’t know who else to talk to…”

He looked at Teacher Xiao Lu with eyes that held something strange, murmuring, “Recalling these things made me understand so much more. I realized that I had experienced this before—I had been crazy long ago…”

“And I also understand that you’re afraid of me for the same reason?”

“……”

Teacher Xiao Lu trembled violently, shaking her head as if choked up, yet she said nothing.

“I understand, truly I do…”

Lu Xin repeated the phrase twice, seemingly trying to console her. In a low voice he added, “At that time, I didn’t know you were afraid of me—maybe because I didn’t want to remember. My memory shattered at that blood-soaked moment. I don’t know why I left the Orphanage, nor how you survived with such severe injuries…”

“I don’t even know how I managed to get through it, or how I went back to school and started working. It’s as if many years passed all at once after what happened at the Orphanage. I clearly remember that rainy night. I had just finished overtime work and was on the subway home when I suddenly ran into you. That’s when I smiled and greeted you…”

“……”

It was unclear if Lu Xin’s words had awakened Teacher Xiao Lu’s memories of that rainy night.

Her body shuddered sharply; though she covered her mouth, her face began to turn pale.

Lu Xin seemed oblivious, yet he absorbed every expression on her face.

He remained silent for a long moment, deep sorrow evident in his eyes.

Yet his face betrayed a hint of something uncontrollable—calm, yet strangely odd.

Could it be…mockery?

In an unusually soft tone he remarked, “It’s really strange. Back then, you didn’t even try to run…”

“No…that’s not it…”

The tremors traveled from Lu Xin’s arm—it was Teacher Xiao Lu’s body trembling. She dropped her hand from covering her mouth.

Her face was pale, yet an unnatural blush began to appear—a sign of intense agitation.

She forcefully interrupted Lu Xin’s words, her normally pretty and gentle face now edged with rare anger.

Summoning every bit of strength, she shouted, “So you…”

“So everything you did later was to make it up to us?”

“All these years you lived frugally, taking care of us—all to atone?”

“……”

Teacher Xiao Lu’s rare display of anger startled Lu Xin.

He seemed unaccustomed to it, and his expression turned oddly calm.

He quietly looked into Teacher Xiao Lu’s reddened eyes and said in a low voice, “If I’m making amends, what’s wrong with that?”

“Wrong. Completely wrong…”

Teacher Xiao Lu shouted, her hands clenching tightly, her ears red—her force evident as she cried, “I don’t want your atonement. They don’t want it either. What you did can never be made up for…”

Her words carried such force that Lu Xin was momentarily at a loss for words.

Gazing into her eyes, he seemed puzzled, “Then are you…”

Tears glistened on Teacher Xiao Lu’s face as she replied, “All I wanted was for you to come back…”

“I only hoped that the old you…”

“Would return…”

“……”

Teacher Xiao Lu’s reply took Lu Xin by surprise. He even asked hesitantly, “The old me?”

“What was I like back then?”

“……”

“The old you is the same as you now…”

Teacher Xiao Lu clenched her fist tightly, forcing herself to continue, “I don’t know what demons you’ve recalled, but I have my own judgment. I remember how I looked when I was brought to the Orphanage. That’s where I met you and that group of strange children. From the very beginning, I sensed that you were different from other kids—each one unique…”

“Some of them scared me, appearing quiet but more terrifying than the thugs on the street.”

“Only you were different—you were the quietest among all of you…”

“You were so well-behaved, so honest; the older kids rarely played with you, which only made you seem…”

“…lonely!”

“I was picked up from the street. I was hungry for days. I still remember the look on my face when I first saw food—I could never get enough. If someone had food, I’d snatch it and stuff it into my mouth.”

“So I remember stealing from many people and also getting beaten up by others…”

“The older kids called me a madman, and even the little ones would avoid me…”

“Only you—only you didn’t get angry when I stole from you…”

“And only you, when I was knocked to the ground by others, would actively help pull me up…”

“……”

Teacher Xiao Lu continued haltingly, each word loud and forceful as she defended her truth.

“So, what happened next certainly wasn’t your doing…”

She looked up at Lu Xin, her gaze even turning fierce as she said, “It must have been those people who did something to you. After all, I’ve seen you pushed into the basement countless times and witnessed fresh wounds and injection marks on you…”

“After all, that incident happened just three days after you were locked up…”

“So…”

Her voice, strained from speaking so loudly, came out in rapid, uneven breaths; her body seemed to be fading.

Lu Xin hesitated and raised his hand to gently pat her back.

The moment his hand first made contact, Teacher Xiao Lu abruptly straightened her back, her eyes unexpectedly sharp.

With an unyielding gaze, she met Lu Xin’s eyes and declared, “When I saw you again, I wasn’t afraid.”

It was as if she were loudly proclaiming, “I wasn’t!”

“I just wanted to know if you had truly returned…”

“Because I went through a process that I once believed was the best place in the world, only to find out it was hell. So I decided to build a place that could be beautiful. I—I’m clumsy and useless, and it’s only with your help that this Orphanage has managed to survive. But no matter what, once the Orphanage was built…”

“Then I was left with only one wish—that the old you, the kind and gentle you…”

“Would still be here?”

“Are you still the same person you once were?”

“……”

After hearing so many of her words, something deep inside Lu Xin seemed to stir.

Amidst his calm demeanor, a ripple of emotion broke the surface.

He looked out the window where the sunset, red as blood, still shone with a brightness that could wound.

He closed his eyes briefly as long-forgotten memories were drawn back—memories of a night filled with cries, blood, and the sound of shattering bones, along with the twisted collapse of steel bars and concrete in the building, the blood-drenched faces and laughter…

It brought on his old headache again; the blood vessels at his temple throbbed painfully.

His vision began to blur; only Teacher Xiao Lu’s unwavering eyes remained, fixed on him.

She continued waiting for his response.

She was questioning him.

Lu Xin wanted to answer, but his mind was a whirlwind of confusion.

“I…”

When he finally spoke, he noticed his voice was hoarse, so he fell silent to compose himself.

Then, he offered what he felt was his truest answer: “I might have always been myself…”

“It’s just that…”

He paused, lightly tapping his head, and said, “I’ve had some issues.”

Teacher Xiao Lu pressed her lips together, her eyes a mix of fear and concern—though worry clearly prevailed.

Tears glimmered in her eyes, but those eyes were terrifying in their intensity.

Lu Xin didn’t even want to see those eyes any longer.

So he slowly turned and walked toward the door, lingering at the threshold.

“I will work hard to heal myself.”